My boyfriend finished with me last Sunday and I am very confused as to why this has happened. We met through a mutual friend in September 2004 and have been together ever since. As we live 20 miles away and do not drive, we really only see each other at the weekends. Things were strained due to a depression in myself brought on by a space cake I tried on a visit to Amsterdam in November, I would cry frequently and often for silly reasons. I also experience a lot of panic attacks. I visited my GP because the after effects really took a toll on me. I decided not to take any medication for this, but to get myself through it. I tried to explain this to my boyfriend but I'm not sure how much of it he took on board, as he really doesn't communicate his feelings. However, he did manage to tell me that he really doesn't like crying. Whenever I get emotional, I would start feeling paranoid about our relationship and have a negative attitude towards it. I have tried really hard to improve my mental state and in the last few weeks felt as though I had broke through a lot of barriers. Our relationship seemed to be going very well. As he is a man of few words, I felt that when he spoke from the heart about us, it was something I could truely believe. When he said he told me he likes sharing his bed with me and cuddling up and that he has never felt like that with anyone else, I did not doubt him. On Valentine's Day he made me feel absolutely amazing. He took me for a meal the night before and woke me up on the day with a cup of tea, (my favourite) roses and a fantastic card that read "This isn't one of those enormous cards, but it's big enough to say these three words...I love you". I thought this showed an affirmation of his love for me. I was on cloud nine. Things were good over the next weekend, but I had a nagging feeling to look through his phone. I wasn't sure why and I didn't know what I was looking for. I resisted the need to look until Sunday morning when I found out that he had in fact sent his ex-girlfriend a Valentines day card also. Further messages revealed that he still thought about her and that he didn't think he and I had a future. He also told her that he still had her chain beside his bed. In the initial stages of our relationship he went to put the chain away. I stopped him, I don't know why, but now I believe it was the closure he needed. I didn't let him know I had seen the messages straight away but did question whether he thought we had a future together. He said yes, as he watched TV. I started to cry but tried to shield my face from him so that he would not see. He asked me to look at him and he asked what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong. I then went to do some washing up and again started to cry. He came and asked me what was wrong and again I said nothing. He didn't pursue it any further. Later that day I met some male friends in the pub and started crying again. Unfortunately his sister saw me and I have a feeling she sent him a message to tell him this. She didn't speak to me, so I don't know what she thought about it. I have never really met his family properly, so I don't know what they thought of me. I sometimes wonder if he is not proud of me, as he never took me to see his parents. A while later I texted him and asked him to join me in the pub. He declined, but asked if we could meet for a chat later. I agreed and went to his house. Here he told me that it was over, because he couldn't keep going through this. He said he lied about us having a future. He told me he loved me, but was not in love with me. Was this Valentine gesture nothing more than a lie? I really didn't see this coming, as things seemed to be going the best they ever had. When I had medical problems last weekd he was very concerned about me. This week he has been texting me to see how the results went. I'm not sure if he asked because he cares or he believes he has to ask. Please help H