Hi,

I was with this guy for 4 years and we were engaged. however we had our problems and split up about 4 or 5 months ago. we werent talkin for a while but now were really good friends. I was the one who ended the relationship, but still have feelings for him. he now wants to get back together, saying he loves me and he has changed etc. I dont know whether I should, considering all our previous problems. I dont know if he can make me truly happy and i dont want to make the same mistake again.
what do you think i should do?

Dear reader,

I can sense that this is something that is really bothering you and it’s a decision that only you can make, which doesn’t help ease the pressure of making the decision!

Your ex is genuinely making an effort to change his ways for the better and this is something he will continue to work on. Of course, he will sometimes need motivation to continue but he is trying to change and deserves credit for this.

You wonder whether you will be truly happy with him, I feel that you will be happy with him, but it won’t be perfect. Remember though, that no relationship is completely free from sadness. It won’t be perfect, but the times that aren’t will help you to learn and grow together. The question is really, are you still in love with him? You loved him enough to agree to marry him at some point, is that feeling still there? You say you still have feelings for him so look into these feelings, how deep do they go? Have you considered meditating on this? By picturing your future 5 years from how, how does it look. Is he there? As your lover or as your friend?

Something else to remember is that no one ‘makes you’ happy, happiness comes from within, so if you feel loved and secure in yourself, you will find he becomes an extension of the love you have for yourself. At the end of the day it's up to you to make yourself happy. No one can do that for you. Yes he will contribute to that happiness but it’s more a question of can you feel fulfilled in this relationship than will he make you happy.

Have you considered taking things slowly? I feel you still have a lot of things you want to experience and don’t feel that you will do them if you go back to him. But if you let him slip away you will also find you will regret that too. Is there some way you can combine finding and living your dreams with being with him? I feel that if you are able to find this balance you will find you are very happy.

The strongest message I’m getting about your relationship with him is that you would really benefit from taking things very slowly with him. Let him back into your life, as your friend and a bit more. But don’t get back into a very serious relationship straight away, (ie being engaged), Start again, right from the start as though you have just met. I feel this will help you both get to know each other better, to work through your past problems and also give you both the time to discover if being together is something you really want to do.

Love
Cassandra